why I don't play football that often. Played one hour of seven a side football yesterday, and my body is aching something rotten today! I feel like I've been hit by a truck. To top it all off, we had 7 men and they had 8, so we were a man down the whole game, meaning we had to work even harder. My fitness is a little better than I thought it was, but my footballing brain has gone a little bit....guess the sharpness may come back when I play a bit more....

It was fun though, seeing all the people I work with usually out and having a kick about, and I'm looking forward to forming a team with them for the 6-a-side league and the charity event against the other bookies.

Rhian called me from Spain last night, which was a surprise and just really nice to hear from her. I always get the irrational fears of "out of sight, out of mind" a little, but she has contacted me each night she has been away, and seems to miss me a bit, just like I do with her. She comes in at 5 on Wednesday she said, so its only two days away....and result, me and her both have Thursday off work, so we'll just have a nice day of lazing about and catching up, should be fun.

Tomorrow, I'm working at the Hassocks branch of Corals, which turns my half hour walk to work into a half hour walk to the train station and quarter of an hour on the train...not too too bad, just a bit of a pain in the bum. I am doing 12 till 6 there tomorrow, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, as they are short staffed, but at least that means I'll be home by 7, unlike when I have my usual late shifts.

Roll on Wednesday :)

Current Mood: happy

....I hate my housemate.

Now, I just don't get it. Apparently, I'm her "best friend here" (quoting her), yet recently she'll barely give me the time of day unless she is bitching about someone/talking about herself, in which case I MUST listen. I doubt she even knows anything about me recently, cos frankly she doesn't try and find anything out. The fact that I'll knock on her room door and get a "WHAT!?!" response is always gonna put me out anyways, but yeah.

To be honest, her generally ignoring me isn't too big a deal, it just confuses me when she goes on about how much she likes me, if I then get gay treatment when she is around me.

*shrugs*....meh, who knows?

Current Mood: confused

Met Rhian at the station at 10 last night and spent the night at hers, which meant I was up at half 7, so I'm still struggling to get my bearings.

Her interview seemed to go OK she said, but from the way she was talking about the job as a whole, she sounded less positive about taking it if offered than she did before, and I seriously don't think she will. It doesn't help them that they were trying to send her to Sellafields, which is like the middle of nowhere.

Now she is off on holiday to Majorca, so won't see her again till Wednesday. Thankfully, after my 8 hour shift today, I have tomorrow off, so I'm going to sleep all day.

Sunday, after work, I have training with the rest of my male colleagues from other shops for the 6-a-side team we are putting together. I've not played football for a good...two years, I think. So yeah, I'm going to die.

Current Mood: tired

...possibly no hot water in my place till Monday, at the earliest.

Wonderful.

Current Mood: annoyed

Rhian is up in Warwickshire for an assessment workshop type thing for a new job she is going for. Naturally I want her to do well and to get it, but it'll involve her moving to Cumbria or Warwickshire (depending on where she gets placed if she gets the job).

Just feels weird to be hoping she gets a job that will probably end our relationship (or whatever it is). However, she is looking at other jobs and has said she wants to stay down here, so I guess I'll see how things go and take them as they come.

Current Mood: tired

...seriously, I do.

Just a quick update as I need something to occupy my time as much as anything else. Rhian has gone up to Cumbria for an assesment night/day thing, so won't be back till tomorrow, then she jets off to Majorca on the Friday. I'm sure I'll miss her, but frankly I haven't had a really good nights sleep since being with her....no, not because of MUCHO SEX, but more because her bed isn't, and it always seems like one of us has an early shift.

THANK GOD FOR STUDENT LOANS. Last year, they shafted me by only giving me £3000 and getting me to pay £1000 fees, though the first year had been £5000 and no fees. Thankfully, it has returned to the rates of the first year, as the second year had almost caused me to have to drop out due to not having enough money. I've scraped through money-wise, and now will have a decent loan to go along with my job which earns me about £300 monthly, so I should be in the money a bit. Worryingly, that is the annoying part for me.....I'm aware of how much money I'll have, so I'll spend it, kinda thing....but I've set up some things to help me save, so it shouldn't be too bad!

Today and tomorrow off, but gotta go and talk to my ex-housemate about her giving us the money she "owes" us tonight at some time....typical women organising a meeting when England are playing. We've decided just to go for a lump sum of £300, as we could charge her a lot more and are just being mildly lenient. £300 is £100 each, meaning I'll get £136 of my £250 back, which is over half, so not so bad I guess.

Anyways, ciao for now.

Current Mood: lethargic

So, I have spent the last five days either working or around Rhian's house and that has meant I have barely touched the internet.

"All work and no internet makes Liam something something." "Go crazy?" "DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!"

Ahem, but yeah, it is nice to have one night to myself, if only because sharing a bed can be a pain in the bum.

Rhian, Rhian.....hmmm....I really didn't want to jump into a relationship so soon after breaking up with Cherelle, but Rhian is seriously awesome, and so much more into the kinda things I am into than any of my other girlfriends have been, and I am just really enjoying my time at the moment. She is looking for work away from Brighton, so how long this lasts is anyones guess.....

I've started smoking a little more, as Rhian smokes so I kinda nick one every now and then. It makes me feel like shit and ruins my throat for when I indulge in drinking, so don't expect me to keep doing it as I can't handle it impinging on my favourite pastime!

I am working 8 days in a row. 4th day down, 4 more to go...what a cunt.

I bought 9 CD's the other day, including Morrissey: Live At Earls Court, as I am a Morrissey-fag, and am loving it.

Gay Pride occured the other day, and it seemed like a good time was had by many, though I didn't spend any time there, merely walking through a couple of times. I got flicked on the arse by a gay man, I guess I should take it as a compliment, if a little painful >_>

Anyways, thats me, catch you all later.

Current Mood: happy

I just recieved my bill from the landlord of my old place as to what we get back out of our deposit. From a substantial £250 sum, I get a paltry £36 back. To be honest, I'd hate to see how they'd reacted to us ACTUALLY leaving the place in a shithole, but I also believe minor shaftage occured since the people before us knew the landloards and the people after us also did, which leads me to believe we got penalised for problems that already existed, but that is neither here nor there.

The other problem is the extent of what is attributable to my poledancer friend. £200 went on replacing her carpet, £25 on replacing the shower head she burnt, £90 on the other carpets (which were mostly due to her having a cat and breaking the tenency) and so on and so forth. I mean, my room apparently was fine, so I only really feel responsible for stuff like the dining room chair breaking (which I admittedly wasn't aware of) or the tub chair (which is another case of me believing the problem was already there, as nothing changed) breaking. So, the next week or so will be me sorting out how much she owes the other three of us, and then trying to get the money from her.

Even though she earns a lot, I can still see it being a big struggle to get it....and sadly, if it is, that'll affect the friendship whether I want it to or not. I'm skint at the best of times, so frankly, I don't want it inflicted upon me by someone I term a "friend".

Current Mood: blah

Title isn't because I am going to emo rant, more because I've given up trying to think of titles for my entries, let alone witty and clever ones.

With time to myself recently, since I've broken up with my ex girlfriend and various other things have happened, I've just had time to reflect upon things, and thus my moods have kinda fluctuated. I felt crap last night for a bit, but then got better as the night progressed, and today I havew felt good if a little bored. The worst part about my reflections? I don't ever seem to get to the bottom of anything, they more just kinda cycle around me moping about and feeling sory for myself.

However, I'm feeling more upbeat today for definite, if only because I am one day away from what should be an awesome night out, and two days away from seeing the girl I am dating, which should be nice.

My actual one big problem is my feeling of underachievement. I mean, I don't overly know what I should have achieved, and I'm happy with the fact that I am a loving father and have a beautiful, intelligent four year old daughter, but other than that, I kinda feel I should be working towards something. Maybe I should kick-start my plans to run the London Marathon in the next two years for charity? It'd be the sort of thing I guess I am looking for, I just need some discipline I guess.

Yeah, I suck at LJ updates that aren't preachy, emo or funny, but meh, just thought I'd get into the habit of posting here more often for my LEGIONS of fans (well...two).

But always remember, don't take happiness for granted (...gotta love Neighbours >_>)

Current Mood: content

I went around my friend's house today to see his parents. I dunno why his parents and not him, but thats a story for another update. When I was there, I was informed that Andrew Hewitt had passed away.

Now, I used to hang out with Andrew when I was in primary school, and hadn't seen him for 10 years....but it still hit me, hard. Worst off....he hung himself. He was at Uni, and hung himself in his halls.

I'm not going to pretend I am overly sad about him passing, since I haven't known the person he became....but the fact that as I live and breathe, someone I grew up with at one point or another felt the need to hang himself from the water pipe in his room saddens me a great deal.

Just makes me wish people would put their own petty grievances into perspective.

As I said to my friend's mum, whether I was good friends with Andrew or not, he was a nice guy, a really nice guy.

RIP Andrew

Current Mood: melancholy

...I thought I'd brush you all up on how I am doing, as I'm sure you are waking up a 2am in the morning wondering just that.

I am doing fine, the end.

.....ok, that'd be a bit stupid, so I'll go into more details (boredom is an evil mistress).

Just on my second day off in a row, after Corals decided that they'd stick me in to do 42 hours last week, including half of them in a shop I don't usually work at because everyone and their mother was on holiday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be on the whole, though I was a lot more tired day to day than normally, and it only gets better with a 37 hour week this week. I must say I need the money, so can't truly complain and after the next five days I've booked off a week paid holiday, so it should hopefully go pretty quickly.

I now live by the sea, rather than...well, not by the sea. I also don't have to climb up any huge hills anymore, though it will mean that it takes longer to get into Uni (though one of my housemates has a car, so I'll try and ponce lifts off her when I can). My room is a mess, it gets too hot and it is pretty small, but it has a bed, a computer and a stereo, so thats all I really need. I feel more comfortable here than the old place, which is naturally a good thing.

I broke up with Cherelle a week or so ago, which I'd kinda seen coming. Put in really simple terms, my insecurities/needs (I can be needy, I'll be honest) mixed with the way she can be and the distance just wasn't meant to work, sad as that may be. Plus, from when I was 15, I've basically been in major relationships until now, so for once, I'd like to just be me, I guess. I was pretty sad about Cherelle for a day or so, but I'm over it for the time being, no use moping about, and...

...upon working at the other shop, I met a girl called Rhiann. Now, naturally, I'm not going to jump straight back into another relationship, but I did end up back at hers after we'd gone out to have a drink after work on Sunday, so *shrugs*. I'll take it at face value for the time being, and lay down how I feel when needed, but for the moment it is nice to still have someone to hang out with and just laze about with. Just a really nice girl, so I'll see where that goes.

It is a little annoying about Cherelle because the paid holiday was to go and see her, so I've already booked my coach home and everything, home for a week. I mean, I can keep myself occupied and have my mates to see, but it is more a money issue, as laying about with your girlfriend costs nothing, whilst now I'll be going out in London with my mates, which is a little more costly. Oh well, should be fun however it works out.

I guess I'll leave it here, and you won't here from me for another 6 months or so, k? k.

Liam
xx

Current Mood: content

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….

You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

That's the beautiful sound of silence. One day, I'll learn that filling it with inane ramblings because I feel I have to only makes me look weird, and possibly bore other people to death.....especially when the people in question are pretty quiet themselves.

Ho hum indeed!

Current Mood: cheerful

....I realised that I hate the little bit of skin under my nose and above my top lip, as no hair seems to grow there.

Works if I ever wanted to go to a fancy dress party as Hitler, I guess....

I don't understand my need for validation. Might be because my Mum and Dad split at a young age, and then my Dad split with my step-Mum when I was 12-ish (which then left me dumped at home often without anyone in, as she went off to see her toyboy...she was still livng under my Dad's roof at the time, weird, I know). Maybe I want to be wanted/needed/missed, rather than need to be?

Just find it weird, considering how out-going/laid-back about everything I can be, that at the end of the day, it still comes down to me wanting to be "accepted".

Believe it or not, this isn't an emo style complaint...more one based on mild bemusement.

Maybe it's not just me, and everyone wants to feel wanted, even those who pretend they don't?

Guess throughout life you realise that people aren't that different, after all.

I know I'm probably not the only one, but ever get that feeling that you are just doing NOTHING with your life? I mean, I have a good job, I go to Uni, I have a good relationship with my daughter (when I get to see her), nice group of friends, so for once, not too much to complain about really.....it's just the apathy and boredom of life gets to me quite often, and is at the moment.

I have Uni exams coming up, and haven't revised. Is that a big deal for me? No...the big deal is how little I care about that fact, even though passing the exams directly pertain to my future. Maybe if the course I was on offered a little more in the way of stimulation, I'd care, but it doesn't. Maybe I should have left last year when I thought about it. But, I for one know that at the end of the day, if I don't get a degree, I'll be stuck working at Corals forever, which feels me with a slightly nauseous feeling.

Some days, I don't want to leave my room, and wouldn't if I could. Not because I hate the outside world, just because I lack the excitement to want to actually leave my room and make the most of my day. I'm sure there is a little bit of a hypocrisy in there (I won't have an exciting day if I don't leave my room), but meh.

I drink a lot. Not because I need to, not because I love being drunk, but because I'm bored.

I might go abroad after my degree, but even at this precise moment, I can't drum up any excitement for the idea of a trip.

With all my mates based in London/Liverpool, and the rest of the year full of exams, essays and working at Corals during the summer (where the hours are horrendously anti-social), I don't foresee much of a change.

.....oh, and Windows Media Player always seems to play up....you'd think a multi billionaire could at least get his software to work properly!

Oh well, I'll speak to everyone later (well...Viv, Lolly and Earthy, the only people who read this :p), and I'm now off to mess about with my digi camera, and become a pic whore!

Toodle pip

.....wait, wait, two negatives (ok, so not exactly two negatives, but I did mention the word "emo" :p) make a poisitive! So yeah, I'm kinda happy today, after the slight whinage the other day. Dunno why....just feel kinda content, but I go through phases so I kinda expect it. A good whine, a good cry, and I'm usually sorted for at least the next few months!

I've got a killer week planned in November, which involves London, Liverpool, mates, birthdays, and every Circle Line station available. It'll be an expensive week, but I'll make it worth it, if only so I can report my debauchery back here.

Small note...on the back of Big Issue salesmans bib things, it says "Working, Not Begging"....well, when was the last time you saw a Big Issue seller actually "working". Hey, if working now just incoporates standing there and randomly shouting "BIG ISSUE" at people as they walk past, I'll do that....they bloody earn enough money from it, twould seem (I change up our local Big Issue sellers change into notes...he probably earns more than I do, to be frank).

To further brighten me up today, I read at work that I eat 9 out of the 10 things that men shouldn't if they want to retain shape/libido for thier women. Off the top of my head, the list included beer, white pasta, white bread, butter, coffee and sweets amongst other things, which basically means my whole diet. But hey, I could do worse....I could eat muffins as well (the one thing I don't eat on the list). Ahh, you gotta search for the positives..:p

Short post, but two posts in two days from me is a rarity, so enjoy, I guess.
Liam

Current Mood: content

I hate how my housemates/classmates think I'm really "laid back", when at the end of the day, my laid back-ness is comprised roughly from...

apathy
boredom
negativity
cynicism
blind faith, and
just general unhappiness.

I hate me falling for any girl that gives me the time of day.

I hate people who say that you are still friends after an argument, and then fail to reply to your next two texts.

I hate the fact that I'm going to end up like my Dad (I love my Dad, but 3 wives and bald....:s)

I hate being apathetic to pretty much everything, aside from when it comes to past experiences with girls, which still affect me months after the problems.

I hate being led along, and being gullible enough to let it happen...at least 4 times off the top of my head...

I hate that I know all of my problems, yet can't change seemingly.

I hate that I do most of the above knowingly.

I hate wanting things in my life to be dramatic, as the second they are, I long for simplicity.

I hate thinking too much.

I hate drinking too much.

And I hate emo rants on livejournals.....but an update from me is rare these days, and maybe it helps, who knows? And lastly....

....I hate the fact that whichever way I swing it, whatever way I try and justify this to myself and others, I post this message purely for the attention it will recieve...and I become just like all the others.

With nothing much to write about recently, I thought I would just write about something that I enjoy, and give you a small list of stuff to get an insight into what I think or like. I decided I'd write up some of my favourite lyrics from songs, just more as an interest piece to me (I like thinking about the music I like, and why I like it, I guess). I tried to cut it down and not have to many, yet show a nice bit of variation of different styles of music, and no more than 1 from each artist/band I chose to cover. On with the list.

- "I feel so much depends on the weather...so where's it raining in your bedroom?" (Stone Temple Pilots "Plush"......just one of the those lines in a song that sounds good, and can have any number of meanings)

- "I just want someone to say to me "I'll always be there when you wake"" (Blind Melon "No Rain"....well, who wouldn't want that?)

- "Why ponder lifes complexities when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?" (The Smiths "This Charming Man"...I always wonder why I bother debating lifes little nuances, and this line encapsualtes that)

- "This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment, remember: we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion" (Tool "Parabola"....just beautiful lyrics, and a nice ideal)

- "Are you happy? I'll decide...." (Finch "Grey Matter"....yeah, I don't know what I like about it, but I do :p

- "Don't say we're healing when that's just not what we do." (Head Automatica "The Razor"....just makes me think about the world as a whole, and how people do things for the "greater good" in thier eyes, but isn't always good for others...)

- "All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms" (Depeche Mode "Enjoy The Silence"....forget how cheesy you may think this song sounds, its dark lyrically, and yet so truthful....dark Depeche Mode owns most bands IMO)

- "Hey...wait...I've got a new complaint, forever in debt to your priceless advice" (Nirvana "Heart-Shaped Box...as Nirvana are usually seen as over-rated, I think people miss out on what a good song writer Cobain actually was, and this line to me shows that anger doesn't have to all be about swearing and cursing at someone, as this line has more venom than a lot)

- "Just hold tight, and tell another fucking joke to pacify the urge for suicide" (Dillinger Escape Plan - "Phone Home"...did I just say that there was a lot of venom in the line before? Heck, this is almost spat into the microhpone, and is just a great line by a band who aren't always known for being amazing lyricists...

- "All my life I swore I'd never be like my old man....what the hey, it's time to face exactly what I am" (Alice In Chains "Hate To Feel"...yet more venom in a line, but made more interesting to me, as I bear major resemblances to my Dad, and always deny them, lol)

Exactly 10 for you all......but I'll finish off with one more....just to make it a top 11 list and be difficult...

- "Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening, failing miserably to find a way to comfort you" (A Perfect Circle "Sleeping Beauty"....hey, I just wanted to leave an a slightly depressing note :p....and also it just goes well with the song, and just like anything with Keenan in it, it's sung class)

So, there are some of my favourite song lyrics, enjoy. Fulham are losing 2-0 to West Ham, so I am actually now going to go off and think of some excuses for when my Dad inevitably phones to abuse me.

Liam
x

EDIT: Just one more...

- "The cracks and lines from where you gave up...they make an easy man to read" (Mad Season "River Of Deceit"....beautiful image, simple idea...)